one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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