I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
