direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
