I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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