Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
