Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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