Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
