Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
