Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
