but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
