this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
