Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
