u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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