are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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