Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
