nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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