Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
