From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
