If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
