I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Rumble strips road head = magical
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
