I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
