Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
