I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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