bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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