Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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