i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
