he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
