i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
