We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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