i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
