I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
