Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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