I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
