we have pet lesbian snakes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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