theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
