Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
