I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
