Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
