It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
