i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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