So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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