She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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