my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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