Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
