Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
