dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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