i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
