Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
