the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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