JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
