okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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