$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
