Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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