I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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