If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We need to rekindle our bromance
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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