i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
