I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
