Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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