who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
