Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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