First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
