My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize