idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize