So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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