trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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