I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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