She is in my trunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
