Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
