i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
