dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
