Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
