so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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