nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
