I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
