I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
