If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
