I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
