guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize