i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
