How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
