Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
