Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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