Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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