I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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