you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
