Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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