mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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