Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
