I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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