How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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