I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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