We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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