my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
