I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
