Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You made out with two different species that night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
