i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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