mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
