OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
