it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
