Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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