Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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