I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
