New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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