i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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